From nothing to it in minutes:

The story about how I got lost in my mind and came back before lunch :P

(I'll explain why the confusion, made a mistake a while ago and can't forgive myself for it yet)

I really need to write, yet all I can do is wander in my mind how to put these words on this file. I’m too sleepy and I’m very confused. Don’t know what to tell myself, don’t know how to act, and don’t know who to go to, if there's anybody to go to. I don't want to go back to the confused, insecure, little girl. There's been so much hard work in the last few months to get where I am. Right now all I can say is: Hi, my name is Socrates and ‘all I know is that I know nothing’. If I could name this entry without ending, I’d call it “Where is my mind?” like The Pixies song.

“- But easy, just breath, one step at a time, then it will all disperse. “

There is no hurry, I just have to survive. Poise, grace, poise, grace, poise…it’s happening; it’s going away.

I believe the hardest thing to let go are the keen desires of “my flesh”. Oh yeah, my flesh. Sometimes I feel as if I have been watching more soap operas than any other girl I know, because the expectations I have of people and life are just simply uncanny and something like sci-fi.

This (writing on this blog) is an exercise, a therapy, to make my body understand it cannot function that way anymore. I can’t give into the impulses of peachy shades of lies. (Then I stop and wonder what to write next). I have an awful lot to say, but I know that after I type it, it will have my signature forever, and it’ll become ‘what she said’, so I have to be careful before tattooing any bitter idea into my head.

Sometimes the spur of the moment is not the right time, for nothing. We get ourselves used to automatic reactions, instead of working hard on fixing those flaws. Just yesterday I found myself in a very heroic situation, where my brain stepped up and told my body to chill. So it may be hard to let go of my keen bull… but it’s not impossible. (Ladies and gents, She’s back!”)

I’m almost certain that these feelings have nothing do with our hearts but with our hopes of filling empty spaces with any material available. Plus the textures and consistence seems so much like the real one, we confuse ourselves. We have been educated to fit patterns and our need to fit those, drive us outside our own pathways.

It’s part of growth to go through those things and truly accept that we are doing wrong, we are making wrong choices, and these things do not go away with time; they fade with practice. But just to warn you, we have to create strategies to reach the goal in the game, we really have to focus, that way the mistakes won’t be in vain.

Oh great, I just vented all my pain in paper, and made origami with it. Cool!. So to end this entry, I admit that yesterday I wanted to act like a girl but my body reminded me that I’m a woman. I just can’t afford to lose how far I’ve gotten in the last three months, regardless of the beautiful colors on the butterflies around me.